Do you think your parenting partner is too strict or too lenient? We all have opinions about the best way to handle a situation or discipline in general, and it’s common to be on a different page than your partner. However, you can run into problems when you think your partner, spouse, or co-parent is being too strict or too lenient — and often end up too far in the opposite direction.
In last week's article, I discussed parenting styles and how parent partners can differ. This is a common issue and one I coach on often. It came up in a first session with a mom, and she shared that her parenting style differed from her spouse’s. It was causing issues and was a point of contention between them.
Her partner’s discipline style leans more toward authoritarian and is firm on consequences. Because the mom thinks her partner is too strict, she finds herself trying to compensate and becomes too permissive. She is tuned into their child’s feelings but does not hold boundaries or follow through on consequences.
She thinks her partner is too strict, and her partner feels that she is too lenient.
And neither is most effective for their kids.
Through coaching, my client realized that she was parenting in response to her partner’s style and shared that she thought her partner was likely doing the same. They were ending up at opposite extremes to compensate for the other, creating issues in their home, with their kids, and with their relationship.
I asked how she wanted to show up as a parent. Then we worked out how she can still be emotionally responsive, tuning into her children’s feelings while still holding boundaries to be the parent she wants. She is now parenting based on what is most effective and best for her children, not in response to her partner.
We also devised a strategy to help her get on the same page as her spouse so they could be an effective parenting team. We covered how she could talk to him in a way that would not make him defensive and how to support him when he was frustrated with their children’s behavior to help keep things from escalating.
If you have similar issues with your spouse, partner, or co-parent, I highly encourage you to check out my new How To Get On The Same Parenting Page Online Workshop! We will discuss different parenting styles, what happens when you disagree with how your partner is parenting, how to get on the same page, and strategies to help you be the most effective parent for your kids. Click here to check it out.
