As parents, we all want to raise our kids to be kind, but what does that really mean, and how do we do that in a divided world? I’m bringing this up and hoping to raise awareness around this issue because I’m seeing parents posting about other kids being unkind and downright mean. They’re not alone; my own child has experienced this recently, too.
The most recent post I saw was from a mom whose 4th grader had two other kids tell him he has no friends because he looks poor and can’t afford nice shoes and clothes, even though it wasn't true. As for my own child, my daughter's two best friends told her they no longer wanted to be her friend and wanted her to move out of the apartment they shared because she wasn’t willing to take sides or cut ties with another friend who had differing opinions they didn’t agree with.
This seems crazy, and it makes me wonder how much of an effect all of the news, media, negativity, and trash talk we’re hearing affects our kids. You can’t get away from it because people from both sides of the current issues are attacking each other. How are we supposed to raise kind kids in this divided world?
Here are some things you can do:
First, limit your child’s exposure to the news. Humans are wired to watch out for danger, so people tend to pay more attention to negative news. The networks know this, so they focus on it despite its impact on our anxiety levels and society as a whole. I heard recently that we are exposed to more negative news in one day than our ancestors were exposed to in their entire lifetime.
Second, intentionally focus on encouraging your kids to be kind. Our brains are wired to pay more attention to what we focus on, so consider putting being kind on your child's radar. You might do this by having a family kindness challenge where you work on doing at least one kind thing a day and then have everyone share what they did that day at dinner or before bed.
You can also inspire your child by doing a random act of kindness yourself. When you have your child in the car with you, you could pay for the coffee for the person behind you. Let your child know what you’re doing, and ask them how they think the person might feel having someone else do something kind for them.
Empathy is a skill kids must develop. You can help your child develop empathy by raising their awareness of the impact of someone being both kind and unkind. One way to do this is to have conversations with your kids about how they think other people feel when someone is kind and how they feel when someone is mean.
Look for examples in books, movies, or real life as you observe them. See if you can find examples of someone being kind or mean. Ask them how they think the person feels when they are kind or unkind to someone else and how the person on the receiving end feels. This is how you help your child learn how what they say and do affect others around them.
Often, kids are mean or put others down to help raise their self-esteem and make themselves feel better. Usually, when they’re being mean or making fun of others, it reflects their own insecurities. Knowing this, I encourage you to consider that we can build a kinder world if we help kids realize at a young age that being kind and lifting someone else up feels so much better than tearing someone down.
Do you find these tips helpful and want to learn more? Consider joining the Confident Parenting Club! You get a weekly email in your inbox where I explain your child’s behavior and share the latest research, strategies, and tips to help you handle or avoid the challenges altogether. Click here to learn more.
