"Okay, this is a tough question with many variables to come to many different conclusions but I ask you: What is a reasonable average to spend on a child for Xmas?"
Jason Mork Moore wanted to know, so he posted this question on the community message board Amesbury Squawks. "The background to my question is as such," he continued. "I grew up poor and had very little growing up yet I was a happy kid, and I learned to appreciate everything that I had. I have seen friends spending $100s on their young children and it just baffles me. Is this the norm because of the state of the economy, or are parents just going overboard?"
And then: "Please keep this civil as I am just curious and understand that everyone has different circumstances."
The post generated about sixty (remarkably civil) responses from "Squawkers" in all kinds of situations. Here's a selection of their answers, grouped by general category. Any guesses? They may surprise you!
Go All Out!
Since I had my oldest all I've wanted to do for my kids is give them Christmases like my family had. It makes me happy to see the kids get what they want. I know it's bad but I can't help myself. I start shopping in August. I max out my credit cards on Black Friday and I'm usually done. Pay them all off with taxes. I know I overdo it but I can't help it. P.S. Three of my kid are my step kids. They get everything they want always because for so long they didn't get anything.
(It's Hard to) Find Balance
I have to say, this is a subject I've found myself struggling with this year. Every year I feel we go overboard...of course this year as well. I envy the parents who are reasonable. My children don't understand how lucky they are and that bothers me yet for some reason we can't seem to help ourselves when it comes to Christmas! I will just say we spend far too much and I'm completely aware but I plan on finding a way of giving back and involving my kids. I want them to realize how lucky they are and to appreciate even the smallest of things.
We spend a couple hundred on a "big gift" usually, then maybe another hundred or so on little things & stocking stuffers. Some of the side items are things we would have needed to get them anyway - like comforters this year.
Stick with what they request. Lots of extras can get overwhelming or overlooked. And, if it's a bare necessity like socks or underwear, it's not a gift, in my opinion. In the end, love them, read to them, and listen. That beats any shiny new toy that will be lost under the couch by the 10th.
I find that stocking stuffers can take up a big chunk of the budget. Right now my son is little so I can do a stocking full of stickers and matchbox cars and he's good, but as they get older it's more challenging.
Yes, Christmas is definitely excessive - I remember my mom budgeting to within $10 of each kid - seriously it was all about being even and staying within her budget - she was a single mom in nursing school raising two kids. I can't imagine spending $1,000 on my 6-year-old, that just screams excessive (for that matter, I probably wouldn't spend that on Xmas for my teen either). it's tough having 10 years between them to keep it "even." I would say $300-$400 for her (1 good-size Lego set will set you back $100) and probably $500-$600 for him. Now throw in gifts from aunts, uncles, godparents, and they want for nothing.
Manage Expectations
The more they get the more they'll want. Ours is a society of must-haves. We all do the best we can with what we have, but each year it gets harder. Can't put a price tag on the gifts as who knows how much money there'll be to buy gifts. I look at it like as long as each child has a few they're good!!
I remember asking my one if my girls one year if they thought they where going to get a lot of presents. She replied yes. I then asked her what a lot was. Her response: 4. Boy was I doing too much. LOL. I scaled way back after that!
I try and get the one thing she asks for, and then a few others that I think she'll like. I also grew up having what my mom could afford and was also grateful for what we got. I raised my daughter that way, so her expectations aren't high.
My kids are older but if I had young kids I would go with four gifts and a stocking:
1. Want
2. Need
3. Wear
4. Read
The best things in life are not things. If we can teach our children that and still get them "things" they will appreciate that we try.
Do What You Can
I grew up pretty well off and got a lot for Christmas and then expected a lot of. Having Cam when I did, not having a lot of money, I could only do what was in the budget for him. So maybe I started sooner than most, or I just made sure he got that gift he really wanted. Ultimately, I had to realize it isn't about the amount, but about the love. You know Cam, he is pretty happy. So I think I did OK.
As a mom of 6 children it was very hard for me just getting what they needed...snow clothes and sleds, a must! But they're all grown now and I get them each one nice gift. Now I have grandchildren...and still having it hard as a single mom/grandma. They get one nice gift...but who knows - if I had the money I may have gone crazy. I love Christmas, it's always been my favorite.
My daughter in law asks year after year to please cut back. One toy and a check to their college fund would be appreciated. Parents are under such pressure to deliver the goods. Do what your budget can handle and give your time to play with them on Christmas. Your time is priceless and irreplaceable.
Give Experiences
My favorite gift to give my nieces and nephew are experiences where we bring them someplace special like a bruins game for instance or a play. As that I don't have kids just yet myself I can't really answer fully on how much I would spend but it likely depends on age of the kid and what you are able to afford, expensive gifts can be nice but I wouldn't make it the norm.
Sometimes you don't need to spend a lot of money. Give them the gift of an experience - a museum trip or movie or play with family. All go out for ice cream.
I remember many years ago, right after my divorce from my ex money was very tight. However we spent a few days together, which hadn't really happened before. The kids all stated that it was their best Christmas! Even though they only had a few gifts. Love and the gift of time are the best gifts of all!!!
Keep Things in Perspective
I honestly don't budget. I get things here and there and when it adds up to a reasonable amount of gifts then I stop shopping. If I had to guess I would say $300 a kid.
It's simple look at your bills. Pay them all off. Then look in your wallet and see what is left over. Then buy necessary cloths and jackets etc. If you are lucky enough to have more left over get one gift that either mentally or physically challenges them. Teach your kids honor, respect, and kindness. Only reward them for showing those values all the time. Heck, I played with sticks or swung for hours an an old swing set. But I grew up knowing I was loved. Go with your heart.
Buy what kid will appreciate. No need to go broke for holiday. My kids appreciated what they received and never complained.
My kids get to ask for four presents. I tend to buy a handful of other small things or special treats. I start shopping early on and spread my shopping across the year, spending a few dollars every time I find something with a good price or a cool thing.
There is no price tag for a gift, big or small. Appreciation and love cannot compare.
It's All About the Packaging!
I will say Christmas morning looks paltry to me at our house now - having grown up in a family with 5 kids and in a time when we got more necessities as gifts as well as the fact that the things they want now are just physically smaller - I remember our whole living room would be full of wrapped gifts. Not so much with my kids. Four or five packages each, and they get very few clothes as they just do not need them at this time of year.
I always loved the magic "wow" factor, going to bed with the room empty and waking up with a bunch of presents. Little-kid stuff is so cheap. As they got older I would do one reasonable "bigger" gift. Now that my kids are adults it's changed again. I've never ever put anything on a credit card or been in debt after Xmas though. I think still paying for Xmas months later is ridiculous.
We've spent various amounts. The fun is unwrapping, too, don't forget - sometimes it's just so exciting to see packages and bows. I still get all giddy and excited just at the concept. It's so pretty! We have budgeted as low as $25 and as high as, well...let's just say more. Plan things to do, bake together, make a gingerbread house, go into town and ice skate, look at the window displays and have hot cocoa. It's all about the season, the meaning, and the spirit. Celebrate all - it doesn't need a price tag to be magical.
